A Guide to the 2020 Democrats
Bernie Sanders may not have won the 2016 Democratic nomination, but he did succeed in one thing: pushing the Democratic Party further to the left. Barack Obama was the most left-wing president in the history of the United States, but if he were among the 20-something Democrats debating in Miami today and tomorrow, he could very well be labeled as one of the moderates. But that’s just it, there are no moderate Democrats running, just because you’re not in a game of one-upsmanship with Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren to see who can offer the most free stuff, does make you a moderate.
In 2016, in a field of 17, there moderate Republicans and serious differences between Republicans. George Pataki was pro-choice. Donald Trump’s hawkish stance on immigration could be contrasted in Lindsey Graham’s more dovish stance. John Kasich was doing whatever John Kasich was doing. Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, and Rand Paul had three very different foreign policy visions for the country.
The Democratic field this cycle, however, is full of people who are far left and those who are far to the left, but don’t want to admit it. So, without further ado, here is your guide to the 2020 Democrats in alphabetical order.
Michael Bennett: Apparently the Senator from Colorado is running for president?
Joe Biden: The former Vice President during the short campaign thus far has not seen an issue is unwilling to flip-flop on
Cory Booker: “I am Spartacus”
Pete Buttigieg: The Mayor of South Bend Indiana, is finding out the hard way after the shooting of Eric Logan that simply speaking seven languages does not qualifying you to be President. Mayor Pete also has a cockamamie plan to “depoliticize” the Court.
Julián Castro: Wants to decriminalize border crossings. But, don’t you dare say Democrats are for open borders.
Bill de Blasio: They Mayor of New York City is so deeply in-tuned with his city that a woman flew all the way to Iowa because she felt that was the best way to make her voice heard.
John Delaney: Who?
Tusli Gabbard: Bashar al-Assad’s favorite member of Congress
Kamala Harris: The Senator from California doesn’t think Catholics can be good federal judges
John Hickenlooper: Who?
Jay Inslee: Armageddon is coming because Trump pulled out of The Paris Climate Agreement
Amy Klobuchar: The Minnesota Senator allegedly throws things at staffers
Beto O’Rourke: Losing to Ted Cruz is his greatest political accomplishment and the one time darling of the left and the media has lost that title as he is no longer running against Cruz.
Tim Ryan: The progressive from Ohio has taken time off from challenging Nancy Pelosi for the Speakership to run a vanity presidential campaign.
Bernie Sanders: The Vermont Senator was so enthralled by the Soviet Union that he honeymooned there in the 80s. Also, “Free Everything!!!”
Eric Swalwell: The California Congressman might hold the distinction for being the 20th best candidate out of 20 debaters over two nights. He will take your guns and you will not fight him because he will have nukes. Hater of potato chips.
Elizabeth Warren: Also favors free everything for people who will vote for her to be paid for by people will not. Has about a 1/1024 chance of actually becoming president.
Miarianne Williamson: Running to be the the Therapist-in-Chief, will peruse a foreign policy of asking the nation’s enemies if we could “get along, pretty please.” Thinks vaccine mandates are Orwellian.
Andrew Yang: Free Money!!!